Inside the Current Issue

Sex at The Graduate Center (or, Where have All the Condom Machines Gone?)

Andrea Siegel

Sex at the Graduate Center. It does happen I've heard. I once walked into a room where several of the delightful young women with whom I've studied were discussing who had "lesbian potential." As each woman was named, one person would pipe up something like, "Oh she has a boyfriend," to which another would say, "But that doesn't MEAN anything." And another would say, "Well, in this case ... " And on and on. At some point, bemused, I interjected, "Do I have lesbian potential?" A young woman said to me, "Oh, no ... You're old." It's true. I'm forty-two - her parents' age. The idea of people my age having sex is, well, appalling.

Sex at the Graduate Center. An informal network discusses professors: Who hits on students? Who flirts but doesn't come through? Who harasses? Whom do you watch out for? I verified the accuracy of one of those reports at a gathering I once attended, when a professor hit on me. I felt grossed out. (I know, I know, I'm old ... how could he even think of it?) I didn't get his name until afterward ... Oh yeah. Him. Right, I'd heard rumors.

When I first arrived at the Graduate Center there were condom machines in all of the bathrooms I visited. This surprised me. I never had occasion to check the men's rooms. Was birth control dispensed equally? Wiser minds, or minds with penises and a longer tenure at GC can answer this question. These machines, as far as I could tell, were the Graduate Center's idea of health care. As you may have noticed, many, if not all of those machines seem to have been replaced by towel dispensers, usually close enough to the door so that one can be seriously injured by an open-swinging door while trying to get paper towel to dry one's hands. Maybe someone was injured while trying to retrieve a condom? What does the loss of these machines say about sex at the Graduate Center? Were they removed because no one used them? Were they removed for political reasons? A more intrepid chronicler than I would actually find this out. This would be news!

A Graduate Center friend had the misfortune of dating someone who neglected to mention that he was married. (Hint: if he says he only has a cell phone, and he can't talk in the evenings, and he doesn't invite one to see his home, find another lover.) Supporting her through her subsequent unraveling, I found out that there is a part-time nurse at the Graduate Center, a woman of stern mien and eminently sensible advice who could and would test one for all variety of sexually transmitted diseases, and do so at a price far more economical than that of the average doctor. After all, if the shtunk lied about his marital status, surely he also could have lied about his HIV status, and etc. Fortunately, she tested negative, on everything. We went out and celebrated.

See the Wellness Center on the sixth floor for more information on getting tested. My friend expresses amazement about how many young men who pretend to be liberal, sensitive, caring people freak out if asked to wear a condom. She expresses disgust over the amount of guff she has been given when asking potential partners to show her the piece of paper with the HIV test results. She is willing to share her test results. "From now on, it's about respect and care," she says. "Fuck spontaneity, I want to see the goddamn piece of paper!"

Another young friend had occasion to inform me, that in the event that one's male partner was misinformed about his infertility, as hers had been ... well, Planned Parenthood in Greenwich Village is awfully good, too.

I imagine that sex at the Graduate Center is much like sex at other places. This being an educational setting, there are people at your level of powerlessness, and people with far more power than you have. Power is intoxicating, and people often eroticize intoxicants. And then they wake up. Of course, I wouldn't know about having sex at the Graduate Center. I'm too old.

Andrea Siegel is a PhD student in the Sociology program. She is the author of Women in Aikido (North Atlantic Books) and Open and Clothed (Agapanthus Books).